For the love of God, give some 3D porn to yearning Apple Vision Pro buyers!

So, Apple launched a mixed-reality headset called Vision Pro a few days ago. Nerds are orgasming over it. Fanbois, well, they're putting more effort into marketing it than Apple's team. It's a great piece of engineering, no doubt, but has a lot of first-gen-gizmo kinks, too.

But there's a market that Apple seems to have avoided — the rich perverts who won't think twice before splurging $3,500 to watch immersive smut. You know, VR porn, shot in a point-of-view (POV) style spanning anywhere between 180 and 360 degrees.

Or to put it simply, make you feel as if you're in there. Is it good? Well, take a look at this famous guy's excitement who isn't concerned that he has half a million followers on Twitter (X) alone, some of whom might be virgins and could feel disgusted at the disturbing techno-voyeurism.

No porn on the world's best porn screen

So, Apple chief Steve Jobs had a tight policy: NO HORNY STUFF on any of its platforms. That's why you won't see any shady 18+ content apps on the App Store, but Android will serve that by the oodles. Naturally, Apple hasn't allowed porn software for the Vision Pro either.

Now, the Vision Pro is a computer on its own, with a functional browser to boot. So, you can technically open Safari, visit your favorite porn site, and watch a fuckfest on a 100-feet-equivalent "flat" screen. No one will ever suspect what you're watching on the headset as long as your hands are in control and something covers the tent in your pants.

But what's the point of spending a few thousand dollars on a gadget that is quite literally made to serve immersive digital experiences, only to watch some carnal fun on a regular flat screen? Needless to say, that no-porn-policy has pissed Apple Vision Pro buyers, and they are frantically exploring every option possible to watch raunchy acts.

VR content has its own world of technical hurdles. The video file format is unique, and it requires specialized software to play. But even if you go by that route, you will have to manually download a few hundred gigabytes of VR porn video files and play them on a VR video player software on your Vision Pro.

But this is 2024, and unless you have extremely niche fetishes in lecherous content that risks takedown from websites, nobody is into downloading digital debauchery stuff. We watch it online. That's where the real variety is.

"Where is 3D waifu?" - Thirsty Vision Pro incel

Now, there are websites that support immersive VR porn, assuming you are wearing a VR headset. The Vision Pro is very much capable of online VR content playback via the Safari browser. Except, it doesn't seem to work as intended on the Apple gizmo.

You see, there's a code sauce called WebXR, which is what enables immersive content like VR games and videos to flesh out on a web browser. But to enable it, you will first have to enable four flags, as described in this guide.

Apple says Safari for Vision Pro headset comes with WebXR support out of the box. But the implementation seems to be half-baked, as per skin flick stans that tested online VR porn on their expensive headsets.

One enterprising user pointed out that they had some success with an app, but then had to use a coding trick to convert the file format so that it plays on the Vision Pro. Not many have that kind of patience — or the guts to tinker on a pricey gadget like this. Either way, see the whole endeavor below:

So far, no reliable trick for watching masturbatory stuff online has emerged for the distressed lot of Vision Pro buyers. But if history is any indication, we just might see the proverbial jailbreak soon. Pretty soon!

The only solution for now — at least partially — is to convince studios and porn stars to start shooting content in Spatial Video format, a capability that is exclusive to the iPhone 15 Pro pair. But again, that's far from the holy grail that is 180-degree or 360-degree benchmark for pristine VR porn shot with high-end cameras.

It's a massive, massive missed opportunity, especially for a company as greedy to grab your money as Apple. As per this report from The Wall Street Journal that came out in 2018, porn was a key driver of VR industry growth.

That was an era where headsets were bulky as heck and made you look like a trying-too-hard nerd. Juniper Research, in 2021, said the VR porn market will see a staggering 2,800% growth in the next five years, reaching a market cap of $19 billion by 2026.

For now, all we have are pissed Vision Pro dudes scrambling to get deep into their erotic fixations but can only watch sleaze on a "tiny" 100-foot screen inches away from their eyeballs. Until then, it appears all those fantasies will remain strictly locked to the realms of blue-ball daydreams.

What a tragedy!!!